im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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