Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
