To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
