I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I skipped work to stalk him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
