the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
