I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
