i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
