i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
