Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
