Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
