That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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