duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
