Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
