Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
