It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
