i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
