In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
