Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
