so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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