But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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