My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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