Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize