One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
