Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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