Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
