she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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