Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
