My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
