guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
