i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
