so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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