I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
