just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
