I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
