He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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