Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
