I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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