Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
