dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
