Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
