if you like me you must not know who I am
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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