Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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