Whod you bang
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
