fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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