After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I deserve this hangover.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
