false alarm. still invincible.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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