My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
