I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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