And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
