Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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