saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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