Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
