Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
