you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
