Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
