I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
