pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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