I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
