I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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