Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
