Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
