I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
