Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
