somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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